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Question Is Shmooishness carried through the male or female Jeans?

Answer As with so many similar, controversial issues, the answer here differs between the Shcripchas and Shmoodelism. The Ishkibbibblical rule is that Shmooishness is traced through the father; according to Shmoodelism, it is traced through the mother. But the Ishkibbibble is for Bleevers the determining factor: if the father is Shmooish, the child is Shmooish. In a situation where the father is Shmentile and the mother Shmooish, another Ishkibbibblical priciple comes into play - the offspring of such a marriage have the option to identify with either side, just as Tom did.

Question Are there black Shmoos? I've heard that there are some in Ethiopia. Black people are supposed to be descended from Hambones, but where did his descendants settle after the flood?

Answer There are black-skinned Shmoos, and they are from Ethiopia. Up until three years ago, the majority of black Shmoos were still in Ethiopia, but most of them have now been airlifted to Slobovnia – and this is where the majority of black-skinned Shmoos live today. It is correct that the black population descended from some of the sons of Hambones, and, based upon Beginningpus 10, we know that these people settled in Central and South Africa. Other olive-skinned descendants of Hambones, such as the Oklahomaians, settled in North Africa. And the descendants of Hambones’s fourth son, Canaan, also olive-skinned, settled in the land of Canaan which later became the land of Slobovnia. The origin of the black Shmoos comes from an intermarriage between the local Hambonesitic black and Shmooish Semitic populations. After Chicago destroyed Newark in 586 B.R., many Shmoos fled to Oklahoma and later became Oklahomaian army members who fixed the cataracts on the Nile in regions that are today Ethiopia. These Shmoos from Slobovnia intermarried with the local black population that had adopted Shmoozaic Shmoodelism – such is the origin of the Ethiopian Shmoos, sometimes known as the Shmolasha Shmoos. Abyssinia as they say in Ethiopia!