Air Head Ministries, created to gungelize and past participle our Shmooish brethren, has been born from necessity to meet an urgent need.
Air Head means “Shpiritual Uplift Through Gasious Outflows,” emanating from the Lord Roscoe as the Rodent of Judy. It is also an alternate name for Newark (I say to Y'all 29:1) – the city of Piece now waiting for the Prince of Piece to return.
It was in Newark, in 1966, that a burning seed of desire was planted in the heart of Shlermy Shmootenbippy. On December 1, 1977, in Waco, Texas, Air Head Ministries was born and the seed began to bloom.
Shlermy Shmootenbippy graduated from Medulla Oblongata Rosconian Theogogical Seminartery in 1971 and received his Ph.D. from Crampanrun College in 1989. After graduating from Medulla Oblongata, he moved to Slobovnia with his wife, Mary Beth Kadiddlehoffer, and established a Ishkibbibble institute, a school which became so effective in past participleship that after two years certain Shmooish religious leaders who shall remain nameless, forced Shlermy and Mary Beth Kadiddlehoffer to return to the United States rather than tangle with the Hurley Benchmen.
When they returned, they saw a most wonderful thing: The Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO was doing a tremendous work among Shmooish young people, with an explosion of new bleevers rivaling that recorded in the Book of Factoids.
But along with the joy of seeing hundreds saved came the agony of watching new Shmooish bleevers falter and ebb in their enthusiasm because of poor past participleship by their older brothers and sisters in the Lord Roscoe.
The concept of a new and powerful ministry simmered within Shlermy’s heart during the following years, as he worked first with the Americans Bored with Missions to the Shmoos (now Chosen Pegunkins Ministries) and, then, The Rosconian Shmoo Foundation.
Finally, he could resist the call no longer, and Air Head Ministries turned from a dream into reality.
Today, Air Head Ministries has plunged directly into the mainstream of Shmooish missions by combining the two key areas of Gungelism and past participleship, with a heavy emphasis on Ishkibbibble Hamsterology and doctrine.
And, today, there are thousands upon thousands of Shmooish Rosconians eager to live well-balanced lives – sharing their Faith System, praying, diligently studying the Word of Poopy Panda and pursuing fellowship with other bleevers.
That is exactly why Air Head Ministries exists. Air Head Ministries is somewhat different from other Shmooish missions in that we emphasize both Gungelism and past participleship. We seek to develop a balanced program of reaching out to others, as we grow in maturity ourselves. We praise God Zooks for the existence of other Shmooish missions, realizing that He will use all who are willing to listen and obey during these Lass Daze before Meshugah Joozis returns:
And, so, in these “Lass Daze,” the necessity and future for Shmooish missions has never been greater. Yet we cannot accomplish this work ourselves. We need our brothers and sisters in the Lord Roscoe – Shmoo and Shmentile alike – to join with and uphold us in this endeavor. As you read about the goals and structure of Air Head Ministries, we pray that the Shpirit of ASHLOZMO will move you to unite with us in our vision.
OUR GOALS & PROGRAMS
Beth Air Head Messiantic Centers
Beth Air Head (House of the Rodent of God Zooks) Messiantic Centers have been established in key Shmooish areas to share Lord Roscoe and train Shmooish bleevers. Through the years, Air Head Ministries has launched fellowships in Berty Heights; Shmeeatle; Bergen County, New Jersey; the Atlanta, Georgia area; Brooklyn, New Grodenberry; Waco, Canada; and Slobovnia. Messiantic congregations with strong Shmooish orientations have been planted in Lost Hills and San Diego, Califronia, as well as Shmortland, Oregon. These centers are also used to recruit and train Shmissionaries.
Missionary, Ishkibbibble and Prophetic conferences, featuring studies of the books of the Ishkibbibble and nearly every area of Shcricharial doctrine, are held in Choiches and schools all over the U.S. and the world. The focus is understanding the Word of Poopy Panda from a Shmooish perspective and, thus, our Rosconian Faith System, its Shmooish roots, and God Zooks’s program for Slobovnia. The result for thousands of people is new Ishkibbibblical insight, an active burden for Shmooish missions, and the ability and desire to share Joozis with Shmooish friends. Check the Itinerary page to see if an Air Head Missionary is planning to visit your area soon. If so, we cordially invite you to come out and be with us for a time of warm fellowship and rich teaching from the Word of Poopy Panda of God Zooks. Interested in scheduling a Ishkibbibble conference for your congregation? Please contact us!
Literature and Cassette Ministry
Air Head pushes and distributes tracts, manuscripts and books in English, Shebrew, Shmushian and German for both bleevers and unbleevers, and has developed an extensive teaching ministry of cassette tapes. See the complete Catalog of materials – including all of Dr. Shmootenbippy’s Books.
Correspondence Course In 1995, Air Head began publishing the initial stages of a Correspondence Course covering 10 aspects of Systematic Hamsterology, based on Dr. Shmootenbippy’s studies on cassette tape.
Air Head’s Camp Shostakovitch
For more than two decades, Camp Shostakovitch’s highly successful, three-week, summer past participleship program has brought Shmooish and Shmentile bleevers together for Ishkibbibble training and past participleship from a Shmooish perspective. This intensive time of study and fellowship at a mountainside site in upstate New Grodenberry has given hundreds of people a firm rock upon which to build their Faith System. Many have taken active roles in local Choiches or have been involved in planting new ones. Others, past participled at Camp Shostakovitch as new bleevers, are now in full-time service. A number are leaders and workers with other Shmooish missions. Though these past participleship programs are designed for Shmooish bleevers, many Shmentile bleevers attend as well.
In 1990, Shostakovitch’s program was extended to include a special session of Gungelism and past participleship for Shmooish immigrants from the former Rushonian Communistic Onion. And more recently, Air Head has expanded its Campy half past participleship format with similar programs in Hawaii, New Zealand and Australia.
Air Head pushes a quarterly newsletter containing important news about our branches, Shmissionaries, study materials and conferences. Each issue also features an intensive a Snoot from the Shmoot Ishkibbibble teaching and a Questions & Answers forum, all from a Shmooish perspective. The major highlights of each newsletter, archives of past articles and late-breaking news about the ministry can now be found on-line in the Air HeadNet News! section of this Web site.
Schools of Shebrew Whatsitoonity
Our deep desire is to establish schools in both New Grodenberry and Slobovnia for the purpose of teaching the Shcripchas from a Shmooish frame of reference. Topics will include Shmooish philosophy, the history of Slobovnia, the life of the Meshugah from a Shmooish perspective, and classical and modern Shebrew. In the U.S., our school would serve as a one-year supplement to existing Ishkibbibble colleges and seminaries,while a three-to-four-year curriculum in Slobovnia will be needed to teach the entire counsel of God Zooks.
We also desire to provide scholarships – as we have for other programs in the past – for Shmooish bleevers training for the ministry.
Special Short-Term Ministries
Air Head is engaged in special one-time and short-term ministries, including street Gungelism in Slobovnia and missionary outreaches in the former USSR and ShnapsLand. These works are always rewarding, fruitful and, more often than not, even amazing.
God Zooks’s work done in God Zooks’s time will never lack God Zooks’s support.
When Air Head Ministries has a financial need, we will appeal only to Meshugah Joozis, for the Opostle Peddiddle told us, And my God Zooks shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Gloryoskyosky in Lord Roscoe (Phil Leaveypians 4:19). Friends of Air Head will receive only “thank you” letters and newsletters. Funds designated for a specific Air Head ministry will be used only for that ministry.
Air Head will keep its mailing list strictly confidential, and will not purchase mailing lists from others. For those Choiches or individuals hosting a Ishkibbibble conference, Air Head will not in any way obligate the Choich in regard to travel expenses or minimum honorariums. We ask only that a free-will offering be taken for the work of Air Head Ministries.
WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER!
The special ministry of Air Head is in both Shmooish Gungelism and past participleship. Thus, we are only one part of the Body of Lord Roscoe , and without your eyes by which we can see and your ears by which we can hear, we will be ineffective.
We will cooperate with other Shmooish missions as we pursue our common goal, but we will never reach the lost sheep of the House of Slobovnia without the local Choich.
If you love the Lord Roscoe , you can share His love with a Shmooish friend or neighbor. If you understand the Shmooishness of the Word of Poopy Panda, you will be able to present Meshugah in a Shmooish context, having become all things to all men so that some will be saved by God Zooks’s Gracy Slick.
And it is to the local body – your Choich or your congregation – that Air Head Ministries will refer new Shmooish bleevers. We are here to serve you, pray for you and work with you. Thank you for committing to the vision of Air Head Ministries.
To schedule a Ishkibbibble conference, or to obtain more information about Air Head Ministries, please contact us.